Thursday, 11 September 2014

Childcare Guilt.

Childcare guilt. Do you have it? I have it. But I probably deserve to have it. You probably don’t.

I spent virtually the WHOLE of August staringly longingly into the future when my children would be in childcare all day 4 days a week and I’d be happily ensconced behind my desk at work. This was because being stuck at home with me in our tiny house, in the rainy summer, when we were all ill and miserable was HELL. Sometimes. Especially when a certain young lady was trying to move, but couldn’t; trying to growth teeth, but couldn’t; trying to not have any any sleep EVER and succeeding. AND. A certain young man was HYPER AND ANGRY AND BOOOOOOOOOOOORED (see previous post).

But now she’s crawling and not ill and sleeping and HAPPY! Smiley, happy, giggly Joni Jo!

And he’s lovely and compliant, and sweet and happy to play on his own or with Joni or help Mummy and Daddy! And he DOES want to get dressed and he DOES want to put his shoes on and he DOES want to eat his dinner….

WHAT?! Did I get swizzed?! Where were these kids 2 weeks ago?!

Now it’s September and I have to work 4 days a week again, possibly with overtime coming up because a colleague has left. I thought…woohoo! Normality! Routine! 4 peaceful lunchtimes and coffee breaks a week! But this hasn’t happened. My NOW delightful children have decided that they LIKE being at home with angry, shouty, frustrated Mummy WAAAAAAAAAAAAY more than stinky school and nursery! BUT FOR WHY?! WHY would they want to be at home with me all day when they can be entertained and given attention and have space to run / crawl around in and endless friends to play with?

Well I guess I do understand. A bit. I mean, I don’t understand why they want to be at home with me (I actually think they probably both would rather be at home with Daddy…..Gus confirmed this sorrowful thought for me this morning). But I do understand that going from half a day in school then half a day with me or Gale (lovely childminder) to all day at school then on to after school club 4 days a week is a big jump for Gus. Despite him knowing the school, his classroom and teacher are different; the day is different; there are twice as many kids, half of whom he doesn’t know and hardly any of which are in afterschool club with him. And happy and confident as he is, he’s quite shy so I know it’s pretty overwhelming for him. There have been lots of tears. Pulling away from me and screaming that he didn’t want to go into school this morning…..sobbing yesterday before we’d even left the house, crying when going from school to after-school. It makes me feel SICK with sadness for him.

And Joni-ioni. She’s currently (and thankfully temporarily) going to a nursery for 2 days a week instead of 4 days with Gale. She SOBS when I hand her over. Then screams as I walk away. Then sobs when I pick her up at the end of the day. Yesterday she saw me through the window as I arrived at the nursery and bawled her heart out. MEGA SADFACE.

When Gus was first at nursery and until about 18 months, he never once cried when I left him. It got to the point where I was actually a little bit resentful that other people’s kids were so sad to leave their parents and he wouldn’t give me a second glance. And I used to glibly tell other parents that their wailing little darlings would be FIIIIIIIIINNNNE once they’d gone/in a few minutes etc etc. But then once Gus’s tears started my heart BROKE! It’s horrendous leaving your child to cry because you are ABANDONING THEM!

I feel SO guilty. Guilty that I am not doing the right thing by working so much and guilty that I looked forward to my childfree time and it’s at the expense of my children’s happiness. I know he’ll get used to the long days and Joni won’t be at nursery long (just a month) and everything will be OK. But it’s still there. Climbing into the pit of my stomach.

Guilt, Guilt, stinky bloody Guilt. Ugh. 

Brilliant blog posts on

Super Busy Mum

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Helicopter Summer 2014

Hello Peeps! 

Here's a picture collage of some of the things we got up to in the summer! Enjoy! 


Tuesday, 19 August 2014

What Joni Wore Today (BSP) Part 10

Hey you guys. Haven't done one of these little fellas in a while so thought i'd upload a few quick pics of my supercute bubba girl showcasing our love of yellow. It's quite hard to get her to sit still these days, or pose for the camera...hence not a lot of smiles and some random pointing. One of the pics shows her "tongue out" bid for freedom as well. But still, you get the idea. 

The multli coloured play suit is from JoJo Maman Bebe, the tights are from Mamas & Papas, the yellow vest is from Tesco, the mustard yellow trousers & top are Mamas & Papas and handmade cardie by a family member. 

The second look is pretty androgynous despite the crazy colours. Reminded me of a "crazy" school teacher that you might report for being a bit dodge. Which is always a look i try and embrace.....



Wednesday, 13 August 2014

September....Are We Nearly There Yet?!

 Long-time no blog eh? Well I have been a little busy looking after 2, being back at work, battling with getting my child into the school he’s already in (don’t ask!) oh and having a gastric band…you know, the usual.

When the weather was fine and Gus wasn't BORED
The last time I properly wrote about my life with the Mini Copters, I was moaning about how I’m a rubbish mum who was desperate to get back to work and unable to cope with 2 kiddies full time but then I was glad because actually things got ok and I was actually going to miss them. (Don’t you love a re-cap?! Unlike cheap reality programmes, I won’t be doing it at the start of each new paragraph….) WELL. I maaaaaay be having a bit of a tough time again….! I’m such a fair weather blogger aren’t I? Just blog when I’ve got a moan on the brew!

Anyway, I’m digressing waffling as per. So currently we are currently experiencing our first “School Summer Holiday” without the aid of our brilliant (and desperately missed) child minder, Gale. She’s had the audacity to go on holiday with her family! (In all seriousness, for a well-earned break.) Emlyn and I are taking it in turns to use our annual leave to cover the summer holibobs each day of the week.

So we are without the term-time structure of getting up and out the house, healthy walk, few hours of structured activity (school), either straight to Gale's or healthy walk / scoot home, lunch and then an afternoon including various visits to friends (ALL of whom seem to be on holiday RIGHT NOW) or hanging out at the park or seeing Nana or just being in the house which isn’t boring because we haven’t been there, stuck in our tiny front room, ALL DAY since 6am. Boring. BORED.

That’s Gus’s newest, and my most hated new thing. He’s bored by EVERYTHING. He’s always been great at playing by himself and finding things that keep him busy…which I know is pretty unusual for a kid his age. Um, this might be because I’m a lazy, neglectful mum however?! Anyway recently he’s loved sitting quietly and drawing and drawing for hours on end (ok I know this is quite strange for a 4 yr. old boy!), he also usually loves playing with his millions of Thomas (et al) trains, or he is quite happy to run around dressed as Buzz / Woody and play with his cars or play outside on the climbing frame, making up games and creating hysterical narratives that are brilliant to eavesdrop on … a classic being “Thomas was very upset because Thomas’s face smelt of dinner!” But now, no matter what the activity, within seconds he declares boredom and dramatically flops on the nearest soft furnishing! Yesterday, after being glued to Thomas videos for ages, I prized him off the sofa and into wet weather gear and shoved him outside into our glorious, big garden. It was wet but the sun was out and I gave him the ultra-fun job of emptying the (rain filled) paddling pool by chucking the contents all over the garden. A few weeks ago, he’d have found this hilarious. He did it for a total of 20 seconds before standing stock-still and declaring that he was BORED.

Later at my mum’s house (Nana’s) we set out a load of painting gear, got him into his overalls and sat down with him, encouraging him to print and paint. 5 minutes later: I’M BORED. Ugh. I wanted to cry. It took longer to put the stuff away than the time he spent using it.

Gus being a spaceman but
coincidentally also doing his angry face
that we're a bit too familiar with.....
Now to be fair to him, all his friends are away or have been away on holiday, the weather in the last few weeks has been pants so I’ve been less inclined on my days at home with him & Joni to take them out on foot or by bus because I’m yet to pass my driving test (but I am learning!). AND he’s had a weird virus has given him few symptoms, the odd temperature spike, weird flat rash which didn’t develop into much, a morning of throwing up and 2 solid weeks of being an utter bastard to me/Emlyn. He’s been angry, defiant, annoyed…an example would be Joni making the minutest of squeaks “Ssssh JONI!”; her even LOOKING at his toys “She can’t have that, it’s MIIIINE!”; us asking him any question about anything or asking him to do anything ever. It’s been HARD WORK.

Also Joni is just on the cusp of crawling and is frustrated at her static state and therefore demands more of mine or Emlyn’s attention. So “boredom” (or lack of daily routine), lack of company his age, being stuck in a tiny house, the virus AND Joni attention stealing has made for a pretty unhappy Gus Gus.

Which in turn has made mine and Emlyn’s lives preeeeeeeettty tough.

I don’t want to be the kind of mum who wishes her kids’ lives away….every time a hard “phase” comes up though, I find myself just staring longingly at the future to when things get easier (please, no veteran parent step in here and tell me this is a fallacy!). It makes me feel so guilty that I am not appreciating the good stuff that is happening around me right now. Like Joni….she claps! She has teefs! She can nearly crawl! Gus is funny! He’s AMAZING at drawing! *creative genes take a bow* He eats broccoli without complaint! He’s polite (to other people)!

But back to the point. So our first experience of school holidays isn’t the best. I know it will get easier the older they both get. But right now, I can’t WAIT for September 1st to come around. I’m not the only mum that feels like this, right? Right????


Family Friday

Thursday, 3 July 2014

Upcyling Chairs with a Lovely #IkeaHack!

Hey bloggites!

This is going to be a mainly photographic post. I've had a bit of Kirsty Allsop inspiration and decided to UpCycle my old dining room chairs (which I'd bought from an Antiques Market for £40 a couple of years ago) into new funky, bright ones. With a little Ikea Hack thrown in for good measure. Ikea have this new range out which is SO limited addition that it's currently on sale. I LOVE it. Brakig. It's awesome and SO my taste. I'd decorate my whole house in it if I had the time/money. I don't. So I'll make do with some new dining room chairs. OK I bought some of the bowls too....but sssssh! 

I used cream not white but you get the idea! :)
So I've  wanted to paint my chairs for a while but couldn't think what to use to cover the minging old seats with. Then I saw the big cushion covers on sale for FOUR BRITISH POUNDS in Ikea and I thought ...wowsers! One cushion would cover 2 seats at 26'x26'! Cheap as chips! I used some old undercoat on the chairs first. 2 coats of that. Then 2 thin coats of cream gloss...only one small tin's worth £10.99 and that's it! I unscrewed the seat pads. Cut the cushions in two and cut off the seamed edges and zips. Stapled them onto the seat pads and screwed them back into place on the a good 'un! 

*Actually a little mum helped with *cough* DID *cough* the seat pads.

Ta-da!!!!!!!!! The finished product, side-by-side with the original! I'm a genius, what what? 

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

I have another blog now too! Wanna Meet Him?

Hey lovelies! I have started a new blog over here to deal with the newest, most exciting adventure in my life....a gastric band! Eeeek! I am scaaaaared! But I don't want to bore people who are not interested in weight loss so I decided to remove all my old weight loss posts from here and post them over there....along with the new posts following my HOPEFUL maaaahoooosssive weight loss from the band. 

This photo explains all..........

Monday, 26 May 2014

#TMI Post! Loads MORE things you probably Don't need to know about me....

Hey you guys! I have been tagged not once but TWICE by the lush-a-licious Michelle at The Purple Pumpkin Blog and lush-a-licious Liz at Everything Is Rosy. Because they are as nosy as me....hoorah! Now this is a loooooooooooong post so grab a cuppa & yer phone charger and settle down.....

1.   What are you wearing? Me pj's.....a cardie and some thick socks. Sex on (chubby) legs.

2.    Ever been in love?
Yes! I am lucky that I’ve been in love twice. My first was a university love, I spent my 20’s effectively single and then at 30 I met my husband, who I love to death!

Our wedding case you didn't guess, like.
3.    Ever had a terrible break-up?
Yep. With the guy I was at in uni. He broke my heart completely. My world fell apart and I was scarred by that probably for the next 6 years. He didn’t cheat; he fell out of love with me. And I don’t even blame him.... It was my first proper relationship, I was desperately unhappy after moving up to London from South Wales. I worked in the centre and I would leave the house at 6.30-7am and get back at 8pm. We were squashed into a tiny 3 bed with 4 other people; I was miles and miles from all my friends and family. I was so lonely I would buy wine on my one day off a week (when he was in work) and sit in our room and drink and cry. So I became a bitch. I was a horrible, bitter, spoilt bitch and he kicked me to the curb! I came back from work one night and there was a note on the bed...he’d left me. He was at his brother’s and I had to pack up and move. I had nowhere to go, I had to leave my job and move back to Wales. It made me grow up overnight! It was the biggest learning curve of my life. And I am glad it happened. Years of heartbreak but it taught me about myself and it made me stronger. And if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have my amazing husband and babies. No regrets. J
4.    How tall are you?  5’5.5”! I used to say 5.6 but I’m not quite. I think I am shrinking too!
 5.    How much do you weigh? Ahem. WAY too much. I’m a size 20-22...that’s all I’m saying. (Although if you’re clever enough and really desperate to know....very early posts of this blog were weight loss themed and my starting weight is prob what I am now...)
 6.    Any Tattoos?
Nope. I used to REALLY want one but now I’ve gone right off them. For me! Like them on others! And I am SO glad I didn’t get one done cos I’d be really regretting it now. Even tho I said earlier no ;)
7.    Any piercings?
Yes. When I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to have my ears pierced. Even as a teenager! My mum
hated it....the thought of having holes in your ears made her feel sick. When I was 24 I went with a friend to get her eyebrow done and on a whim got my nose pierced. Then a few years later, during a bit of a turbulent time in my life
I went thru a bit of an early mid-life crisis... (I was only 28!) I had a nipple pierced of the TWO just in case you thought anything weird was going on there... WOW that HURT! Then last year, for some unknown-even-to-me reason, I decided to get my ears done. And it turned out it was one week before I conceived Joni....I only knew this in retrospect obviously but I was keeping a note of the weeks to see when I could change the studs to something more chunky and fun...and soon those week markings became weeks that I was duffed up too! This was a very long answer to a simple question......
Oh but the irony is, my mum had HER ears pierced at the age of 50!!! Hypocrite!!! (Sorry mum! *waves*)
8.    OTP (One True Pairing)?
OK this refers to Fandom and other geek shiz I know nothing about....but my interpretation of it would be in real life.... (i.e. my fav coupling) Liz Taylor and *swoon* Richard Burton. I’d die to meet either. I want to BE Elizabeth. Except maybe her weird friendship with Michael Jackson. And in fake life, Don and Betty Draper. I’m still hopeful.....

SO much love. 

9.    Favourite show?
Right now it’s Mad Men. I can’t get enough of it. But it changes all the time. I watch a whole range of stuff. Mainly tho, it’s either total crap, historical docos/dramas or satirical comedy.
10.  Favourite bands?
I’ve been out of the “scene” for a good few years (#ponce) but I listen to 6music everyday to try and keep a hand in. At the moment I quite like Haim, Django Django and Metronomy but not enough to actually download their albums. Older stuff is more Indie and rock and 60’s/70’s. Probably my all time fav band would be Led Zep tho. And (embarrassingly) from 1996-2203 I was obsessed with the Foo Fighters. Hence my email address being Jess Grohl! I used to pretend I was married to Dave. #pathetic (btw can you even hashtag in your own blog???) (btw#2 my answers are waaaaay to long and you may have died of boredom by the end of this)
11.  Something you miss?
Rather predictably this is someone who is nana. Everyday. We were v. Close.
12.  Favourite song?
Changes allllllllll the time. I was fixated on a Drake song recently..... which was a bit wtf. Then I watched “Silver Linings Playbook” and it was all about Stevie Wonder’s “Don’t you worry bout a thing”.
13.  How old are you? 38. Look! A short answer!
14.  Zodiac sign? Taurus. Dragon in Chinese horoscope. Charismatic leader that’s full of shit.....that’s me!
15.  Quality you look for in a partner? We have to be able to laugh together. Boring but essential. I am not interested in someone who can’t laugh.
16.  Favourite quote? "Oh, Edmund, can it be true? that I hold here, in my mortal hand, a nugget of purest green?" 

Percy," Blackadder the Second."
17.  Favourite Actor? Like used to be Johnny Depp. I used to feel sick with lust when I saw pics of him and I love almost everything he’s been in.... But now he’s gone a bit old and puffy. I do love a bit of Matt Damon too. But I’d always go back the Burton. That velvety rich Welsh voice....hmmmmmm
18.  Favourite colour? Red.
19.  Loud Music or soft? Come on....loud of course!!!!
20.  Where do you go when you are sad? To my hubs. He’s makes everything alreet.
21.  How long does it take you to shower? 5 mins.
22.  How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Er....quite a while. I have to get my 7 month daughter fed, changed and ready for the childminder, 4 yr old fed, dressed and ready for school and me ready for work, with or without make-up/shower/breakfast....depending on how late we are running.... Pre-kids tho.....if I’d had a late one....I’d have a shower before bed and sometimes roll out of bed, fling on clothes, do teeth and be out the door in 10 minutes...just for as much time in bed as poss!
23.  Ever been in a physical fight? Twice. Once with my brother....altho he didn’t actually hit me back, quite gallantly considering I’d hit him with a guitar. (alcohol was involved) and once when an old bezzie tried to punch me in a club...after I’d been winding her up aka being a bitch. Alcohol was also involved and by the time I’d got home (we lived in the same house share at the time) we were fine with each other! But I am way too much of a pussy to have a fight with a stranger, I’d have probably cried!  Altho I used to mouth off at blokes ALL the time in my old drinking-in-the-pub days. I was only threatened with a punch from one of them once remarkably.
24.  Turn on? This is weird, and I’m not just saying this to sound deliberately wacky and interesting....but I love the smell of garlic on other people’s breath. It actually properly makes me ....well, horny! I think it’s because I had (what I thought) was a super hot Greek boyfriend back in early days of uni and he always smelt of beer, camel cigarettes and garlic. Sounds revolting but it was so sexy. So I think that’s where it comes from.....
25.  Turn off? No body hair. I like a man with chest rug. Chest rug plus is a bonus.
26.  The reason I started blogging? I wanted something to help motivate me to stick to my diet (as I mentioned earlier). And it worked at the time. I lost a couple of stone. But then I got duffed up and changed it to “another” mummy blog. But I’m not so good at the mummy blogging...mainly cos I’m not so good at being a mummy!
27.  Fears? That I’m an uber rubbish mum. Oh and that my children will grow up to be unhappy, drug addled lunatics. You know, the usual.
28.  The last thing that made you cry? My own behaviour....lack of patience....
29.  The last time you said you loved someone? God, dunno...I say it all the time. Ever since my nana died I’ve been paranoid that I may never have another opportunity to say it (even tho that wasn’t exactly the case with my nana). So I even say it to friend’s I love at the end of phone calls. And I’m not being flippant. I mean it.
30.  Meaning behind your blog name? I met my hubs online on MySpace (we bonded over shared childhood memories of Christopher Lilicrap) and his online name was/is Emlyn K Helicopter. I didn’t change my name when we got married because I’m the only person I know who thinks it’s old fashioned and I don’t see the point. But because Helicopter is neither of our real names’, I am happy to adopt it. Plus it’s a funny name. So its cos this blog is a mixture of my large weight and my babies....
31.  Last book you read? Snobs by Julian Fellows. Great.
32.  The book you are currently reading? The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. It’s literally un-put-downable.
33.  Last show you watched? *shame face* The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
34.  Last person you talked to? My hubster, sat opposite on his lap top. We’re such losers.
35.  The relationship between you and the last person you texted? My Aunty Kimmy....who’s too young to be my Aunty really and it annoys her that I call her Aunty. Hee hee!
36.  Favourite food? *stares menacingly at slimfast shake* ANYTHING SOLID! (but really, CHEESE)
37.  Place you want to visit? China. Did some travelling back in the day (i.e. pre-kids, and pre-marriage) and went to SE Asia but would LOVE to see China. And I mean like a grand tour where I see all different aspects. I had an obsession with it years ago and read novels set there, written there, about Chinese immigrants, everything and watched Chinese films.....even weird obscure ones I found on t’interwebs. I am a bit obsessive about stuff.....
38.  The last place you were? What does this mean?! Like, the toilet or my garden or something?! If it means the last place I went abroad then it was our honeymoon in Sardinia 5 years ago.

As you can see, not beached....
39.  Do you have a crush? Wouldn’t it be a bit weird if I said, yeah actually there’s this guy..... oops, hi Emlyn!!!!??? I have a crush on him still. Luckily.
40.  Last time you kissed someone? Gus. Not in that way....don’t be gross. A goodnight kiss.
41.  Last time you were insulted? Ah probably one of my brothers, Matt, mucking around. Can’t remember.
42.  Favourite flavour of sweet? Not a sweet fan. Um, so not sure really. Oh I like Palma Violets.
43.  What instruments do you play? I can strum a geeeeeeetar. I used to hide behind it to sing and (excruciatingly) I used to force my friends to listen to my warbling as if I was the next Joni Mitchell. *shudders*
This photo is black and white cos my friend was doing photography. not because it actually WAS the 60s! 

44.  Favourite piece of jewellery? Cheese-aroonie but it’s my engagement ring. It was my nana’s and being the little charmer I was as a kid, I used to say to her: Nana, when you die can I have you ring please?! So on her death bed she remembered and gave it to me. Heartbreak city!!!! :’(
45.  Last sport you played? Get off. I don’t DO sport.
46.  Last song you sung? Dream a Little Dream of Me to my bubba Joni.
47.  Favourite chat up line? None, I hate them.
48.  Have you ever used it? n/a
49.  Last time you hung out with anyone? Hung out with my pal Spooks (Sally) and her girls on sat avo when Emlyn and Gus were away. Girls day!
50.  Who should answer the questions next? These lovely ladies are tagged, not sure it’s your cup of tea (or rather in keeping with your blogs) but I am mega nosy and I want to know more about you....PLEASE do it!!!

Steph at Sisterhood & All That
Sam at Up All Hours
Cas (pronouced Casssss if you must know!) at Mummy Never Sleeps;
 Jess at Put Up With Rain.

Do it Do it Do it!!!!!